Bryce has gotten headaches and migraines throughout his life. Since we have been married these haven't been a problem, they came infrequently. That was until about a year ago. He has gotten headaches almost daily and frequent migraines. He has been working with a doctor to try to get them taken care of and progress has been made, thank goodness! He still gets them frequently which means we limit what we do because being busy seems to make them worse. After a migraine he needs sleep.
As if the headaches were not bad enough in June he started getting really dizzy. He woke up one Sunday and fell over. He was so dizzy that he started throwing up. I quickly got a sitter and took him to instacare. The doctor there suspect that he had vertigo, but because of his migraines wanted him to see his normal physician. His normal physician recommend he go see a specialist. After six doctor visit's, ten hours at various doctors and multiple tests they said he for sure had benign positional vertigo ( http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0002393/ ). He then had to do a physical therapy treatment to start the healing process. This was done in mid July. He is still healing from it. During the worst of it my little sister came and stayed with us to help out. Aside from work Bryce was not able to do much.
During this whole process I have had moments of frustration. They ranged from the actually situation to not being able to do something. At the same time, I have also had moment of growth and been humbled. On Saturday night, I started complaining to Bryce about how done I was with headaches, migraines and the dizzy spells. I expressed my frustration about carrying so much more of load in our marriage right now, things about my side of the family, and I also said sometime during my frustration "that I wanted to know where our blessing were" this has been going on forever and I just wanted to be done. I kept telling myself, I learned everything I needed to from this trial, I had grown so; Why wasn't it over?
Notice the problem here? It was all about me, what I wanted and what I thought was enough. I knew I shouldn't haven been feeling this way, but I did. Even though I know that Bryce's illnesses must be harder on him and it takes almost all the energy he has to get through work. I was still so concerned about me. The difficulties with my sisters, nieces and nephews is hard on me, I want to fix, change and make things better. I can't even imagine what my one sister is going through as her heart is breaking again and again. She has had to make huge decisions that will change her life forever. And I Am Thinking About Me. The awkward positions and choices I have had to make concerning the situations.
On Sunday I woke up and to help with my fast I read an article on fasting http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2004/10/the-blessings-of-a-proper-fast?lang=eng . After reading the article I got ready for church. Bryce wasn't able to come, so it was just Ava and I. Two minutes into sacrament Ava started throwing a huge tantrum. After being in the hall for 50 mins and her still being upset. I left frustrated. We came home and I made her a snack got her something to drink and headed back. During RS I was served a huge piece of humble pie, from the lesson that was taught as well as some very good comments. That left me wondering why I had been so selfish and what was i going to do about it.
One of the most touching and humbling moments was when a sister in the word told a story about having a ticket for Holland. In life we plan a trip to Italy to the very last detail we bored the flight and when we arrive we are in Holland. We then get upset, we want the ticket we planned for, but are stuck in Holland. We get frustrated and eventually over time we start to notice the beauty of Holland and to see what it's truly like. Once I got home, I looked around and as if a slap to the face realized that we are blessed and have received blessing during this hard time. It still is not over yet and I am sure I will have more humbling experiences. I am excited to grow from them individually, as a couple and a family.
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