Day 8, Motherhood!

Eight years ago you could have walked into my bedroom and everything would be cleaned and organized. I like things to be tidy and in their places. I was what they call a neat freak" (just ask my family) When I had roomies I did dishes frequently and picked up others messes because I like living in a clean space. At the end of the night and I want to be able to go to bed and know that when I wake up everything is nice and orderly..

After I got married, I was still the same dishes done every night, bed made everyday our place was clean...

Then I had a baby and continued school....., my house was clean for the most part not always to my standards but it had to be good enough... I have been done with school for seven months... I had assumed once I was graduated my house would become spotless...Oh boy... was I in for a little shock.... Here is the thing I once enjoyed doing dishes... Now I look at the sink and think "run, runway". Coming into my home your likely to find toys all over the places, a sink full of dishes, laundry needing to be folded on the couch and trash needing to be taken out. What have I been doing all day, you may be wondering? I have been doing puzzles, having tea party's and folding clothes when I have a chance only to have a "helper" knock them on the floor. Oh I vacuumed that morning, but crackers have been crushed on the floor since. I am pretty sure I washed dishes yesterday or was that two days ago. crap I can't remember. when did I start this batch of laundry? eww they stink. I restart the washer only to be told it's time to dance so we dance. I realize it's lunch time.Only to have food thrown on the floor and milk spilled. I clean it up. By this time, I am tired and want a nap (can I please just have a time out for mommy).

Someday's I don't get a shower and can't remember if I brushed my teeth. It takes everything I have not to scream because the flour just got dumped on the floor I vacuumed. I look online only to feel worse about myself because Mrs. Fake has worked out, showered, cleaned the house, dinner is in the oven, done a craft with the kids and manged to blog and look on pinterest.  My conclusion to that is some day's we can get all that done and yay for those days, they are far and few between.

Why do I do this? Sometimes ( a lot of the time) I find myself wishing that the house would stay cleaned, that Ava would play by herself more, so that I could read a book.Then I start thinking, maybe I should get a job it's so hard to be a homemaker, to be cleaning up messes, to deal with tantrums, and end up feeling like the worst mom ever because I  got frustrated over spilled milk.

 Some days feel like this... all day

Only to have my thought interrupted by Ava saying " Mom come cuddle". I remember then that I have chosen to stay home with Ava. That this is the hardest thing I have ever done, but to be by her side as she discovers new things, to get hugs, kisses, to chase her and hear her giggles reminds me it is worth ever minute of it. I don't want someone else enjoying those moments with her, I want to be the one. Because I want to be the one and am selfish about it, I have the the hardest job I have ever had a play at home mom. I am grateful that I have chosen to the stay home. I am also grateful I have the opportunity to do so.